Can’t share the most loved

Can’t share the most loved

Small kid was I, then,
Loved my mother the most,
Loved her from breaker till I had to dine,
I knew she was all mine.
Years latter got a lovely sister, when
“That” love of hers was lost,
No way had I to share her
But after that I didn’t bother.

Then I was at standard six,
Had a new love ….fine
Rather loved that hundred,
Which was just mine.
Years passed,
Got handful of it
Then when I looked those grade cards
Said myself, “Again baby, do it”.

Someday some learned friend got that glory.
And that cherished desire was never sorry.
So at last I had to share
The one I loved the most.
How did you dare?
At my cost!!!
For my love, my devotion,
You were a complete misfit,
And so not for a single occasion
After that, I thought to get it.

Every worldly affair seemed to be mundane.
So are the most loved ones shared.
You are you and no one yours.
All are alone and this is life’s lyrics.

But now again found someone
To love the most
It was other than none,
But me, myself --- the host.

Happy was I
For I’ll never share myself.
Yeah, no sharing,
And so all loving and no parting.

Couple of years back,
Love rolled into aggressiveness,
Called the world with all soberness,
To say – I’m back, my love is back.

And now in this fine morn,
When all those feelings are gone,
To you, I can share myself,
It’s just what’s in my heart’s shelf.

So I question myself,
Am I the same, if not
Who am I?

:by Sagar Neel De,
11th September, ’04,
1340 hours.

Latent LOVE

Latent LOVE

When the sky turned dark,
And the roses black,
When the sun turned down,
And my shadow brown,
Is when you left me midway,
When I just had one word to say :

"No matter faces be new,
In every lovelife I exist,
Latent LOVE for you
Is what I just can't resist".

by:
Sagar Neel De,
9th September, '04,
1800 hrs.

Can a man and a woman be "just friends"?

Can a man and a woman be 'just friends'?

“When Harry Met Sally” and “Hum Tum” pondered the question can a man and a woman be just friends. Is this possible without the physical aspect entering into the relationship? Does platonic love exist? Do you think a man and a woman can be great friends without some inherent chemistry binding them?"
: extract from a renowned newspaper column

Man-woman, platonic love, relationship --- words that every young mind give a thought after. At least I do think so. May be I’m right, may be not. But ever since I have started understanding what it’s actually, I have just thought of one thing, and that’s I should be faithful to the one I’m at last settled with. Though I’ve got several opportunities of losing my virginity, but the very thought about my dream love have compelled me to get out of the very thoughts of such a venture.

From the day I started to realize that I’m a young now, I’ve found me with waist of 36+. And over that, I wanted to make all those people, who have deprived me of my rights at school, realize their mistakes. This very thought drove me for my target.

Now over the last two years when success have hardly touched me I was really starting to feel that maybe I’ve made blunders and I should have made full out of those moments, sometimes referred to as golden days of youth. But my limits of tolerance didn’t crossed levels of frustration. Thank God for your power gave me to preserve my sanity.

Sometime back read the book “Interpretation of Dreams”, by Sigmund Freud, and got highly influenced by it. So started believing that, “from the very childhood, every action of man is targeted for SEX”. Then questioned myself again and again, what have I done? How do I justify all my actions? There are several other actions for which can’t be explained by this Freudian philosophy. So got my own philosophy, an extended version of Freud,“every action of man, right from his childhood is for SEX and SECURITY”. With this I could satisfy all my actions then, all those which I remember. But change is the law of nature and it happened. There was an advent of a catastrophic event in my life, around 10 months from now and I couldn’t explain my actions and thoughts with the morals and philosophy I was following then.

Let’s stop here but soon will write about this change.

MY LAST PRAYER

MY LAST PRAYER

There’s a curse that’s carrying me,
All till this date.
Patience have been lasting long,
To change my wretched fate.
It’s been so long a time,
I’ve been hopelessly crying
……..And just crying.

Hey Almighty,
Haven’t you heard me,
Now let me free,
From your deity.

All I wanted to say,
Avail me the blazing sun of May,
Every time, everywhere, everyday.
Tan me, burn me,
Pave the way with those ashes,
That leads to my destiny.

But, before these eyes crashes,
And life ultimately smashes,
Let she take on her heels,
And fills,
These eyes, disdained till date,
Pleading you now,
"Please don’t hate".

By :
Sagar Neel De.
August 11, 2004.
1640 hours.

JUST YOU

JUST YOU

Everytime I look you blinking,
I feel like………..nothing.
But those who admired it,
Felt it’s lust and desired it’s presence.

Everytime I look you talking,
I feel like………….again nothing !!!!!
But those who cherished it,
Desired to have it for one breadth.

I donno why t don’t feel like them,
They say I’m in love with you,
But love sans desire,
That too at twenty .

They say they love looking
Your eyes and lips.
Never bad.
But I love looking you,
Whatever you do.
Just you. Just you.

by : Sagar Neel De March 7, 2004.
I wrote this poem after around 3-4 years. I donno why?

But I know for whom.

Is Your Friendship Forever ?

Is Your Friendship Forever ?

The fervent prayer of friendship was in her eyes,
" Oh, this is ecstasy, my dearest friend !
Oh, let this night now know no mortal end !
Let you speak for ever and the Sun never rise ! "
But Time and Marina's sister with swiftest wings of envy flies,
She pleads, " plz khas na osob ",
She hopes I shall unbend.

Now I hope I shall not, that I must attend
To other matters where my duty lies.
Now " i think i hav to go now ", but we'll meet soon.
I tear myself unwillingly from your " plz tata bol na " :
Imploring still, her sleeping eyes reprove,
" To-night you said you'd never cease to hold,
And now it seems your love has grown quite cold ! "
" Oh no ! " I said,
"but I've to wakeup @ nine and call you".

Sagar Neel De.
15th May 2004.
0400 hrs.
24 hrs after the incident .